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Encountering refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is turning you down, delivering a firm “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began proposing story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and countless pieces. During the recent two decades, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I face a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 annually. Overall, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my success rate—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles consecutively before approving one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my manuscript before one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents rejected a project. One editor even asked that I submit my work only once a month.

The Phases of Setback

In my 20s, every no were painful. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but myself.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would go through the process of setback:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and the magazine is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at them, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

This continued over many years.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Stories of authors whose books was at first rejected are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. Many Presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in races. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, not backing down,” he has said.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Peace. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be considering something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am submitting. Or was too distracted and reviewed my piece hastily to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may occasionally be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the message I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my grammar, notably commas, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in magazines large and small, in diverse sources. My first op-ed was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can better handle rejection at this stage, because my, humble achievements have softened the blows of my frequent denials. I can afford to be reflective about it all today.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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